Wild Horses
by A. Constance
Summary: When Lennon Winchester believes herself to be orphaned, life sends her down a road she never would have dreamed of. [reposting/continuation from 2013] [S7-maybe8]
1. One

Wild Horses

Chapter One

Green Eyes

"I have my freedom but I don't have much time

Faith has been broken tears must be cried

Let's do some living after we die"

-Rolling Stones

**_My mother was dying. _**

Except, to me she wasn't **_just_** dying- if I wasn't in her presence, it was like she was already dead. Two years had passed since she was diagnosed with cervical cancer. It was a "treatable" case they'd told us, they said they'd caught it early enough- so she would be just fine. After a lot of fundraising and loans, we were able to pay for a hysterectomy and the doctors gave her the all clear, only for us to bring her back again six months later to tell us all those cigarettes in her youth rendered her tar black lungs useless, too.

When you're sixteen, the last thing you want to hear is that you're gonna be an orphan.

But that's exactly what was going to happen. I was going to be an orphan.

And suddenly I was faced with an impending loneliness, a void. I wouldn't have anyone once she was gone. No grandparents, no aunts or uncles, no cousins, no friends, no father and now my mother was leaving me too. It had only ever been us, I mean we moved a lot and she worked a lot… but I didn't know anything else.

"Lenni?" Mom's raspy voice came from her room as I passed the door. I tried to avoid going in there as much as I could, she knew it. "Can you come here for a minute?" She asked and I hesitantly stuck my head inside the doorway.

"I've got a lot of homework." I answered, clearing my throat a little. Looking at her just… it hurt. "After?"

"Come on Sunshine, just a couple of minutes." Mom, Monica, pressed. I looked at the nasal cannula and the lack of hair and the collar bone sticking out of her dressing robe and nodded my head. I sat on the corner of the bed, facing away from her. "I know this must be hard," She started. "And I know that I… haven't been the greatest mother."

My head turned to her before even thinking about it. "You were the best mom in the world."

Mom put her hand on top of mine with a small smile, not acknowledging my use of the past tense. "Listen, Lennon, please." and so I nodded. "I had you too young, I wasn't ready… I'm 32 years old and the only thing I've contributed to the world is my little girl." Mom gave another fond smile, I moved farther up the bed and closer to her. "Len, you shouldn't have had to deal with me the way you did, the men coming in and out, me not being home- I'm… I'm sorry that all you've ever done is take care of me."

"Mom, get some rest." I insisted. The idea of getting deep into my emotional depths was already draining, let alone actually doing it.

"I want to do something for you, before I go." I nodded in acknowledgment."Dean, that's your father's name. It's Dean."

I already knew his last name, because she gave it to me. Instead of a Lachance, I was a Winchester. She didn't want people to think I was a bastard (Even though that's exactly what I am), so she gave me his name. No matter how relentless I had been growing up, she would never breathe a word to me about him- not even his first name. I found out from my (now dead) grandmother that he was a punk ass kid in my mom's junior class. Real handsome but good for nothing. That he skipped town without so much as a goodbye to my mom. From what Grams said, I don't think my mom knew about me when he left though- sometimes I would pretend that mom managed to tell him about me and that I grew up with a father. It never really mattered who he was or what he looked like or what his name was. It was more of pretending to attend father daughter dances, imagining he was there when I needed someone to beat up a bully at school- that sort of thing.

I cleared my throat again, "Why are you telling me that?" it was an inquiry I wasn't entirely certain that I wanted the answers to.

"Because if I don't tell you now, you'll never know." Mom held my hand in hers as I tried to push aside the 'I'm a dead woman' undertone of the comment in order to continue on as I was. "Oh." was the only noise I could manage. "Can I apologize for something else?" She'd added.

"Why not." My curiosity admittedly spiked.

Mom sighed and rolled her eyes a little, trying to crack a smile. "Your name"

"Mom!" I exclaimed, pouting a little bit.

"What? I'm sorry, I was on so many painkillers when I named you. It's horrible, everyone always thought you were a boy and I'm really sorry." We both had a little laugh. She was right, _Lennon Floyd Winchester_ wasn't the most feminine of names. In my 9th grade English class one guy told me it sounded like a porn name, so that's a nice thought. Once or twice Mom said she wanted to name me Ashline, which I think is very pretty. It's a little late to change it though, I'd probably just get confused. "Baby, grab my laptop."

So I did, powering it up and sitting beside her. Mom put her arm around me and kissed my cheek. "Take it I'm googling my dad?" I mumbled, biting my lip and typing Dean Winchester into Search the Web but not hitting enter.

"Don't be scared, Len. When I'm gone, you need to be with family- and Dean is it." Mom rubbed my shoulder and hit enter for me. Both mine and my mother's eyes widened immediately 10.9 million results?!

**The Winchester Brothers:** **A Case Study**

**Dean Winchester; Lunatic or Savior?**

**Winchester Murders of 2011**

**Dean Winchester The Ripper on the Run**

**Dean and Sam Winchester- Back from the Grave… Again!**

"Um… mom? Is my dad a serial killer?" Of all the things you would think to find when googling your birth father- this was not one of them. I thought with my Gram's description of the 'punk-ass kid' I may find a few DUIs, maybe he might be in a motorcycle gang at the absolute worst… but a mass murdering psychopath? That one hadn't crossed my mind.

Mom hesitated, "Well… maybe not, I mean- there is bound to be more than one Dean Winchester in the world, right?" She reasoned, clicking the images icon. All the photos were of a man in his early 30's. In his mug shot he was doing a 'blue steel' Zoolander impression. He was handsome, a strong jaw and pretty good physique. When Mum clicked one of the pictures and I saw him closer, all doubts were cast aside. "I have his eyes." I stated, not so slightly terrified of the man in the picture before me. Mom went to shut the computer, her eyes screaming "I'm sorry" but I held the screen up. "No, I want to read it."

Mom nodded and moved her hand from the screen and put it over mine. I clicked the first link. **The Winchester Brothers: A Case Study**. It was a whole website dedicated to my dad and his brother, evidently named Sam. But for the sake of time, I clicked on "Summary"

_Dean Winchester's original crimes were a string of murders down in St. Louis, MO. where he was presumably shot dead at the scene of the crime. Though this is what was reported to the official record and the media, it hardly seems to be the case. Dean resurfaced late in 2006 in Baltimore, MD where he was caught red handed at the scene of yet another murder. This completely baffled the detectives who'd seen his death certificate signed one year prior. In Baltimore, Sam was arrested alongside his brother as an accomplice. During interrogations , the two brothers displayed horrible levels of arrogance and went as far as giving a false, delusional confession (see in link below)._

This time mom decided to hit play, Dean was sitting at a table in an interrogation room in shackles. His voice was low as he spoke. _"My name is Dean Winchester. I'm an Aquarius. I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach, and frisky women. And I did not kill anyone. But I know who did. Or rather what did. Of course it can't be for sure, because our investigation was interrupted. But our working theory was that we're looking for some kind of vengeful spirit."_

Really mom? I thought. This guy? The officer behind the camera said "_Excuse me?_" and Dean continued in his previous manner-_ "You know, Casper the bloodthirsty ghost?"_

"Oh, mama." I sighed, shaking my head a little with a laugh- granted, laughing at a supposed murder wasn't really an acceptable action when it came down to it. She wasn't quite as amused as I was though. In the remainder of the confession, Dean or… dad or whatever actually seemed kind of clever, but mostly arrogant… really painfully arrogant.

_Soon after that episode, Sam had escaped from where he was being held. Dean was to be transferred. The brothers escaped without a trace for months. That was until an armed robbery took place in Milwaukee where there were two casualties. Their third accomplice included. Sam and Dean narrowly escaped yet again. This time by disguising themselves as SWAT members, again proving the brothers intelligence and adaptability. By this time, the FBI was on their case and the Winchesters were on the very top of the Most Wanted list. In 2007 they were arrested in Arkansas for breaking and entering- where they managed to escape again. _

_A few short months later, the brothers landed behind bars a second time. This time in Monument, Colorado. Sam, Dean and some 30 others in the sheriff's office died in a gas explosion- or so it was believed until early 2011. _

I decided to skip the words and get to the videos. Though, I sort of wished I hadn't immediately after. One was a video of a bank heist via security cameras. There were machine guns, a wink at the camera courtesy of Dean, and then a bloody massacre in the vault. It made me want to vomit and I wasn't entirely certain how this was allowed to be seen by the public. The second was being recorded on someones cell phone, my sperm donor and his brother killed everyone inside of a diner, and then said they'd be moving on to the next state in the very near future. And they were smiling about it. "Lenni, you should close it now." Mom announced. "I- I didn't know." We weren't the type of people that kept up with the news in recent years, we were more concerned with her rapidly deteriorating health and my attempts to stay in school. Mom pressed a tender hand against my cheek and wiped away the bead of water running down it. "Oh, honey."

"I just always thought my dad would be the hero." I confessed, nearly whispering. "I thought maybe he grew out of what grams told me and he became a doctor or a teacher or something." Mom hugged me. "It explains Karla." I laughed, mom pulled away.

"That little bitch? Thought we were ignoring her?" Mom added.

"We are, it just… explains it." There was this girl, Karla White this really very nasty, very catholic ginger that was convinced I was the spawn of satan. Granted, I did play it up by popping up behind her and intentionally cringing whenever she mentioned 'christ our savior'. She'd gone around saying it was only a matter of time before I snapped. But to be frank, I didn't go to school enough to be too affected by it. My priorities were elsewhere, especially when I could learn just as much reading a book or two as I could sitting in a severely underfunded class with 40 kids, 31 chairs and 20 books. I'd probably just go for my GED anyhow. "I'm glad you told me."

Mom let out a shaky breath, "Thank god." and she smiled. "Why don't you go grab some pizza from the fridge and come back and we'll marathon Gilmore Girls and have a girls night, okay?" She kissed my forehead. "Now go get my pizza, Len."

"Okay." I smiled and got up to go get her some hawaiian pizza. That evening was one of my best memories of her despite the whole mass murder father thing. She told me stories of when they'd dated before he apparently went crazy. It was Tallahassee, September 1995 when they met in earth science class. Mom said he was real charming, like, he literally charmed her pants off by the second date, and again on the next few. He left the state in late October, and I was born May 25th a month premature. That was pretty much it, they weren't in love, they were young and stupid. But hey- I guess I'm here so it wasn't all bad… weird to think they were only a year older than me when I was born.

We watched our mother- daughter show, which was also a little strange now, the character Dean looked a whole lot like my "Uncle" Sam. Just a coincidence I guess. Towards the end of the night we even found a book series called Supernatural. I was almost certain it was about Dean and Sam, it sure seemed like it… but it was a little hard to believe most of the time… who comes up with a Wendigo?

We fell asleep talking about how she'd always known I was going to grow up to do great things, and that she loved me, and that I loved her more than life. My arms were around her waist and my head against her chest until slowly, in her sleep, her heart ceased beating and she stopped breathing.

_**My mother had died.**_


	2. Two

Wild Horses

Chapter Two

The Prophet

Dear Mr. Edlund,

My name is Lennon Winchester, I recently discovered the Supernatural books and had a few questions I wanted to ask you. Granted, I don't know if you'll get this as I'm sure you receive a lot of fan mail… but I thought it was worth a shot.

I know this is going to sound… insane, but I think your character of Dean might be my father. This could just be me projecting my problems onto something but… I don't know how to explain this. I guess I should tell you that my dad is Dean Winchester, the mass-murderer extraordinaire. Aside from the same names, your books "Skin", "Nightshifter", and "Jus in Bello" are identical to the casefiles I was able to access- but yours are more interesting. It got me thinking that maybe this was real, you know? Maybe it wasn't my dad and uncle that were in those videos. I could list reasons and parallels all day but it wouldn't matter. The brothers' last name was never mentioned so I can't know without it being confirmed by you. I know this is a long shot and you'll probably think I'm crazy but it's really my last hope.

If you're in contact with them, and they're not dangerous, could you point me in the right direction? I need to find them.

Sincerely,

Lennon

"Hey Len, how are you doing?" Mr. Tahan, my school's librarian and my family's old friend, took a seat at the computer beside me. He was one of the only people in this hell hole I actually liked. Mostly because I spent most of my class blocks in the library (including lunch) and didn't give anyone else much of a chance. Also, it didn't hurt that I'd known him since I was ten years old.

"I'm alright." I hit the delete button on my email and turned to him. It was too insane of a theory, right? Better not to make an utter fool of myself "You?" He smiled, though it was overshadowed by his black beard. He was maybe in his late 20s, I'd never asked, he had deep brown eyes, long dark curly hair currently tied into a bun at the nape of his neck with a couple strays falling out in front. I think he said his grandparents were from Nepal, but I don't remember; it doesn't really matter anyways.

"I'm good, I found the last book in that series you were reading." He handed me the mass market paperback in his hand, the cover reading No Rest for the Wicked; Carver Edlund. "It wasn't easy but there it is."

I smiled slightly and thanked him. Two months had gone by at an agonizing pace since my mom passed away. Honestly, since then I'd become utterly obsessed with my dad. I read every detail in every file, every blog and stream and chat room, every book… except for this last one. Dean had sold his soul for his brother and I was 110% certain that he died for real this time around-I knew he came back from it but I wasn't sure how, and these 266 pages most likely wouldn't give me my answers.

Even though my delusion that Edlund's character Dean was based on my dad was highly unlikely- I could still hope. The man in these books was courageous and loyal, he had this… love of being alive. He had an intensely amazing bond with his brother. Dean in the books was a hero. Don't get me wrong, I mean, the guy has his downfalls, he drinks too much, references porn way too often, has a quick temper… but he was kind of amazing in his own right. Sam seemed pretty amazing too, though I could be completely romanticizing them both like a lot of novels do with the Elizabethan era in history. Seriously, they threw literal shit out of their window…. why was that a thing?

"So, have you thought about my offer?" Ned- I mean Mr. Tahan- inquired, I nodded.

"It's too generous." I said. And it was. When mom died I was placed in a group home, which is more like a new-school orphanage run by the state. And it sucked. I had two roommates, one was a year older than me and she smelled weird and picked her nose, wiping it under her bed or eating it depending on if she knew you were looking. The other girl, Roxanne (or so she says, everyone knows her real name is Nancy) was an aspiring musician that bore too much of her midriff and needed to lay off opioids for a while. Living with them just made me more sad than I already was.

On the same hand though, I must be hard to room with too. I don't ever talk to anyone and I sleep with a nightlight, and all my recently acquired occult books have been noted on more than one occasion. They must have thought that I'm some kind of devil worshiping freak.

Funny how things seem from the outside looking in.

Anyways, Ned had informed me that he and his fiance couldn't have children. And that they would be more than happy to have me live with them as long as I needed. The offer was nice and all, and I mean, I'd known Ned since I was ten years old and he was friggen awesome but I would just feel… imposing? If that's even the right word.

"Well, you can change your mind anytime." Ned noted, before leaning back in his chair. "Don't you have class?"

"Since when did I care?" I groaned. Sometimes I'd catch myself being a bitch and I'd hate myself, this was one of those times. "Sorry, Ned." I bit the inside of my cheek and opened up the first page of Edlunds book. He simply nodded. That's what I liked about him, we didn't need words to know what was going on- it was just silent understanding.

"Well, I'll let you get back to your reading" Ned got up and went back to his cart, I turned around in my chair.

"Mr. Tahan?" I started, to grab his attention. "Thanks" Again, he nodded with a small smile and continued on his way.

I began to read. Dean woke in another cold sweat, it was the dream again. The dream where the hell hounds finally caught him- that moment that was inevitable. He blinked a few times before looking down at the book he'd fallen asleep on. Of course, hell hounds were the image on the page. He couldn't escape.

**ping**

A notification rang on my email. I kind of just figured that it was my teacher asking where I was. The only reason I even opened it up was because the notification symbol was going to piss me off.

When I saw the email address , my heart simultaneously sped up and dropped. What the fuck? I double checked to make sure that I hadn't actually sent that email… I hadn't , my outbox had no trace of it and neither did drafts. Hesitantly, I opened it up.

Hi there Lennon,

I've been waiting to send this message for some time now, and if you're crazy enough to believe your dad is a fictional character I hope you'll believe me when I tell you I'm a prophet. Then again, I'm still having a hard time believing that one. Dean and Sam are very, very real. They're dicks. They also won't let me publish more books, but they're real. Semi- unfortunately.

I met your dad and uncle four years after my first novel was published and it came as quite the shock to me. Like I did with you, I knew they were who they said by one word- Winchester.

To answer your question whether or not they're dangerous? Yes, highly. But not to innocent people, they didn't commit the crimes they were accused of.

You can find Sam in Waco, Texas. Be prepared.

Good luck kid,

Chuck

I left the email up and put the book down. I was too distracted by the validation that I wasn't insane to begin to comprehend anything I'd just read. I ran over to Ned in the History section. "I got this email and it says he's real and I need to go and can you call and I'llpackabag-" I rushed, it sounded like one long word and I was winded by the time he cut me off, plus I was red in the face. My mind was moving faster than my mouth could. I hated when that happened.

"Stop, Len, take a breath, English please." Ned held me at arms length, I'd admittedly been standing and ranting rather close to him. "Who's real?"

"Dean and Sam!" I nearly shouted, he hushed me before someone came over.

"The characters in that book?" His tone was slightly unbelieving- but not disencouraging. I'd told him about my theory, he stayed in mostly silent support. Anything to help get me through my grief. I nodded furiously. "And what makes you think that."

"Email, come on." I pulled him away from his work and to the computer, pointing to the screen. "I didn't send him anything! It just popped up!"

"Lenni, you need to stop yelling." Ned noted as he read the message. "You believe this Chuck guy?" Still skeptical, he rightfully questioned in a way I didn't care to.

"Of course. He knew my name. and my email. and my questions." I rushed again. "How could he know that?"

"Well, what are you planning to do about this then?" Leave it to Ned to try and rationalize everything.

"Well, I'm gonna buy a bus ticket and go to Texas!" I was overly enthusiastic, causing Ned to raise a hand to his head as if he was getting a headache. "With what money, Lennon?"

"I- I can, um-" I stuttered, he was right, I had no money. "I'll walk if I have to!"

"No… I'll drive you- your mother would kill me if I let you go alone." He closed my email out and looked me in the eye. "Are you sure about this?" I could tell that he didn't believe, he thought we were just going to go down and I was gonna get my dreams crushed. But I had faith, so I nodded. "This weekend then."

I smiled widely and pulled Ned into a hug. "Thank you, thank you so much."

When I pulled away, he looked at me again. "Len, if this doesn't go the way that you're hoping, I want your word you'll get out of that home. It doesn't have to be with me, but-"

I cut him off. "You have my word." I promised.

Waco was not at all the small town I was expecting. A day had gone by and I still hadn't found Sam. I'd sent "Chuck" four or five emails asking for an address, for something but I hadn't got so much as a hello for a reply. Ned stayed in his own hotel room while I searched around with no avail.

Giving up, no matter how badly I'd wanted to, wasn't an option. Not only had I gone from Tallahassee to Texas, but I'd dragged Ned into this whole situation- I didn't want to deal with the disappointment. I couldn't.

My stomach growled, I'd forgotten to eat again.

Obviously, that is never good- my next stop was the grocery store to pick up a sandwich and some snacks for the hotel room.

It was in the vegetable aisle that I caught a glimpse. He was a lot taller than I'd expected. Like, a lot taller. And bigger. He was just like… a really friggen big dude. His hair was longer than it had been in the videos, too, and he just looked kind of sad. I stood back for a few minutes, trying to figure out whether or not I should do this. Thinking about it was one thing but actually going up to this guy, being one step closer to meeting my dad? That was another story.

I knew I had to though, because if I didn't I was never going to forgive myself. Maybe Mom wouldn't have forgiven me either. Slowly, I approached him. My stomach felt like it was going to expel anything that remained in it, but I managed to find my voice. "S-Sam? Sam Winchester?" It sounded meek, and I didn't like that.

The giant turned around and looked down at me, he might've been threatening if it hadn't been for the bundle of raw carrots poking out of the wire mesh basket. It just made him look a little funny.

"How do you know my name?" He asked, eyebrows knitting together to reveal some well worn creases for a guy in his early thirties.

"Oh, um" I held out my hand for him to shake, but he didn't take it. So I let it drop. "Maybe we should grab some coffee?" I suggested, not really wanting to drop an A-bomb in a supermarket.

"Uh… you seem like a nice kid, but I'm a little busy right now" Sam lifted up the basket of carrots and started to walk away. I knew I was going to have to stop him, and quickly.

"Wait a second." Stepping in front of him I held my hands in front of me, he nearly toppled over. "I'm trying to find Dean." I clarified, figuring if he knew that he wasn't my priority, maybe he might help me out. "I need to find your brother."

"Why?" Sam's facial expressions changed drastically, into what exactly I couldn't tell, but it certainly was not a positive change.

I shut my eyes, clenching them together tightly. Maybe I could wake up when I opened them and Mom would be fine and I'd be back in school. Or at least I hoped so. When my eyes did open he was still there and I let out a heavy breath, I let it slip. "He's… he's my dad." Maybe slip was the wrong word to use, I told him. Sam physically stepped back, knocking over a produce basket and taking a minute to pick the produce up, I helped him. He seemed a little shocked.

"How do you know that?" Sam questioned, tucking a piece of sandy colored hair behind his ears. "How did you find me?"

"Chuck?" I replied, not sure whether I should use the name in the e-mail or the name on the books.

"Chuck? Chuck is alive?" Sam looked at me like I'd said something even more insane than his brother had a 16 year old daughter.

I took out my phone and opened up the email, scrolling down until I reached Chucks and showed it to Sam, "I- I just got this message and he said I could find you here."

He read it over. "What did you say your name was?"

"Lennon, Lennon Winchester." I clarified, gaining a bit of confidence when I'd said the last name. We did share it after all.

Sam handed me back my phone and threw the hand not holding the basket in his jacket pocket. "Where's your mom?"

I hesitated, not wanting to think about it let alone say it.

"Dead." It was better to just come out with it.

"Oh." Sam cleared his throat, looking an awful lot like he was trying to find the right thing to say. "Uh"

"It's fine." I clarified. Him not knowing what to say, I mean, that was fine. Not the 'my mom is dead' part. That definitely wasn't fine.

"Len- can I call you that?" Sam asked, I nodded. "Why don't you come to my place, my girlfriend is cooking Italian, I think we need to talk." I smiled, nodding furiously. The implication of 'needing to talk' flying over my head completely.

Excitedly, I questioned; "Is Dean going to be there?"

Sam's face fell even further. "I'm- uh- so sorry, Lennon." I clenched my eyes shut so he wouldn't be able to see how upset I was, not caring if it looked stupid. "Dean, uh, he- he disappeared."

At the wording 'disappeared' I was filled with a hope that would one day both save and destroy me. "What does that mean?" I opened my eyes.

"He went missing, disappeared." Sam told me, not wanting to relive what he would later tell me was a 'dicksplosion' that had left him really and truly alone in the world. At least, until now.

A smile spread across my face. Missing. I could find him. "I know about the supernatural, Sam. I read the books. You can tell me."

Sam and I had spent the last few hours finishing his grocery shopping and talking about the last couple years. Before he told me anything though I got sprayed with holy water and some chemical and got my arm friggen cut with a silver knife. It was after he informed me he was making sure that I was who I said I was. Kind of a dick move, but I was already past it. We'd made it to his house, which still looked to be in the works. Boxes and all still in the windows. As we stepped on his porch he turned to me. "Hey, uh, Amelia doesn't know… about anything."

"Gotcha." I smiled. "No worries," Sam returned it. "My lips are sealed"

"Thanks." Sam opened the front door and gestured for me to enter. "After you" I went in the house first, it had paint swatches all over the walls. Book Sam and real Sam were different, maybe cause I missed four years of character development. It was a little unsettling though… he was just so sad. "Amelia?" He called into the one story home.

"Yeah?" Amelia came out of the kitchen, wiping her hand on a paper towel and walking up to me. She was pretty, but for some reason I expected her to be blonde. "You must be Lennon." We shook hands, I vaguely remembered Sam texting her earlier. "Well, make yourself at home, dinner will be ready soon."

"Thanks, you guys have a nice house." I felt awkward, intrusive even. It kinda felt like maybe she didn't want me there. Her smile seemed kind of faked. Kinda.

"Thank you." She replied, Sam went to put the groceries away, leaving his girlfriend and myself standing across from each other.

"So how'd you get to Texas? You live around here?" Amelia asked, sounding forced.

"Uh. No, I'm from Tallahassee." I cleared my throat. "A family friend drove me. He uh, he knew how important this was to me." I attempted being vague and hoping aggressively she wasn't going to ask how I knew who I was looking for when Sam very obviously wasn't on social media. You know, considering he was on America's most wanted list and was supposedly six feet under. Not that she knew any of that.

"Well that was very kind." She commented. "Do you live with him?" I shook my head, she'd sounded hopeful when she'd asked. Putting two and two together I figured out that Amelia didn't want to take me in. She was afraid that I wanted to stay, that was the off-putting vibe I was getting.

"Um. No." I replied.

"Well where do you stay?" She inquired further, crossing her arms over her chest. We both wanted Sam to come back from the kitchen.

"In a group home. For now."

"You don't have anyone you can stay with?"

"My whole family's dead." I shrugged before realizing how bad that must have sounded. "Sorry." I mumbled.

"Oh." Sam came out of the kitchen, Amelia smiled at him and placed an arm around him. "Well, you can stay here as long as you'd like." Sam smiled at me and then down at Amelia. I didn't feel welcome at all. Sam put a six pack down on the table, taking out the open one. "Do you mind?" I pointed to the case, walking to it and grabbing one when Sam gave a shrug of indifference. I loved El Sol and Mom always let me drink, so I thought nothing of it.

"Sam." Amelia warned, giving him one of those astounded looks. I cracked it open with my ring and leaned against the table, taking a sip. A look of fondness or something along those lines passed over Sam's features.

"What?" He asked Amelia, obviously thinking he'd done nothing wrong.

"Can I talk to you in the kitchen for a second?" Amelia asked, Sam nodded. Everyone knows what 'can I talk to you in (insert room here)' means. It means someone has some not kind things to say about you. And seeing as the kitchen wasn't very far away and I didn't want to hear it, I went to sit back on the porch.

I thought, for those few minutes I was alone, about Dean. Sam sounded pretty definitive about Dean being dead; but I didn't think so. This is a supernatural phenomenon we're talking about, he couldn't have just vanished off the face of the earth. I was going to find him, I just needed a little help.

"Sorry kid." For a giant, Sam sure was light on his feet. He sat down beside me, slouching and leaning his elbows against his knees while I leaned back, pressing the palms of my hands against the exposed wood.

"No, I'm sorry I got you in trouble. She seems nice." I smiled, she at least played nice?

"Yeah, she's great." Silence. "So, you read the books?" Sam let out a nervous chuckle, I smirked and looked up at the sky. You could see all the stars here. It was beautiful.

"They weren't so bad. Although, I could've done without reading about my dad and uncle in the sack." I joked, I really could've though. I'd skipped over those tiny bits and missed some information by going too far forward.

Sam laughed a little again. "I think the whole world could've." He paused and followed my eyes up, he looked back over at me. "You really can stay if you want."

I shook my head only once, and slowly, locating Orion's belt before the whole constellation. "No, I can't."

"Why not?"

"It just doesn't feel right." I looked at him, he averted his eyes. He hadn't made eye contact with me since I'd met him earlier that day. I didn't blame him though, with me looking like his brother in that general area.

Sam shifted his view forward. "Well, at least stay a while? I can't let you get out back out there without me showing you the ropes." He smiled.

"You mean, like, hunting?" I attempted to hide my excitement successfully. It wasn't something I would ask of him, but I really, really wanted the training.

"Yeah," Sam confirmed, a particular sort of venom when he repeated the following word; "Hunting." He cleared his throat. "I'm out, but that doesn't mean I can leave you defenseless. Dean would never forgive me."

And also, you know, I wouldn't be able to find Dad if Sam showed me nothing. But Sam didn't know I was going to go look for Dean yet. "Well, when do we start?"

"Whenever you think you're ready." Sam assured, looking me up and down. "First we gotta get you some new clothes." He laughed, I looked down at myself. I was wearing a green mini dress and a pair of black tights with oxfords. I thought it was cute. "What's wrong with this?" I pouted.

"Lennon, you look like a librarian." Sam joked, I laughed and shoved his shoulder. "You can't fight in skirts and dresses."

"Watch me." He was kind of right, but I refuse to give anyone the satisfaction of being right before I've had a chance to prove them wrong… that's probably not very healthy.

"Alright, learn the hard way."

"I will."

"Jesus, you're just as stubborn as him." Sam's face fell for a moment, he didn't need to specify. "Yeah. Definitely his kid." He tried to lighten the mood. "Do you mind if I ask who your mom was?"

"Uh, sure. Um. Monica Lachance? She said you didn't live there very long so-"

"No, no I remember. Red hair? Right? Really pretty? Dean's junior year I think?"

"Yeah, that was Momma." I smiled.

Sam studied my face for a second, it wasn't awkward though. It was obvious he felt like he was looking at a ghost of the past. "Wow, you look just like her." He commented. "I'm honestly surprised I didn't figure it was Mona right off." Hearing Sam say her name nickname was weird, I'd only ever heard Grandma and Ned say it.

"It's the freckles that throws people off." I noted the only other thing I got from Dean beside my eyes.

Amelia opened the front door. "Dinner's ready you two."

Sam stood and held out his hand to help me up, I took it. "Come on, kid." He commented and we all went inside.

Dinner was good, really good. Spaghetti and meatballs and salad galore. Mom never cooked. Ever. She did date a chef for a couple months so we ate in then, but that was the extent after grandma died. I could've done without the awkward small talk, because Amelia just seemed to be getting confused by me.

**"So, do you have a lot of friends?"** _"I have Ned."_

**"What about school, have you thought about college?"** _"I don't know, I don't go much. I'll just go to a trade school probably. Electronics maybe."_

**"Really? Well what do you do then?"** _"Not drugs, if that's the implication."_

I mean, I get it, I don't quite look the part of the high school dropout. I really didn't think it was all that complicated. My phone started buzzing. "Can I be excused?"

"Yeah, go ahead." Sam encouraged, giving me a small smile as I got up and answered the phone. "Do you have any idea what time it is?"

Ned's voice sounded through the speaker, making me jump a little. "It's only nine."

"And I haven't heard anything from you all day." He reminded me.

"Shit, I'm sorry…" I paused. I'd completely forgotten that I was supposed to check in every few hours. "But, Ned, I found Sam."

"You did?" His tone was unrecognizable. "Where are you?"

"I'm at his house."

"And you decided it would be a good idea to go home with him?" Again with the adults reminding me that I am a truly horrible decision maker.

"Ned, I'm fine okay? Not a murderer. I'll text you the address."

"Can I pick you up now?" Ned questioned, the concern evident. I understood it though 'stranger danger'.

"Yes." I replied, typing the address into a new message and sending it. "I'll see you in a few, alright?" I hung up and went back to the table. "So, it seems Ned wants me back at the hotel."

"Will we see you tomorrow?" Sam asked. I nodded. "I'll text you."

"You're sure you want to stay, Len?" Ned asked, looking at me seriously. When he'd asked if I wanted to return with him I was honest. Granted, I didn't want to be here either, not with Amelia. She wasn't family. What I really wanted was the training that had I had in store.

"I'm sure." I assured him with a smile. "Thank you though, for… everything."

"I'm gonna miss you kid." He pulled me in a tight hug, I wrapped my arms around him and returned it. "My door is always going to be open should you need anything." He offered.

"I love you, Ned." It was true, I did. To me, love doesn't mean sacrificing your own wants and aspirations. Some would say, no, that's exactly what love is. But I say you do what you've got to do. And I have to find my dad… it was the last thing my mother ever wanted me to do. My last night with her wouldn't get out of my head, and neither would the morning when I tried to wake her up, smiling about how happy I was for her finally telling me the truth only to find she'd passed overnight. It was an echo chamber.

"Me too." Ned let me go and looked at my suitcase. "Do you have everything you need?" He questioned.

"Yeah, I've got everything." I promised, I'd packed up everything but my bedding so that the home wouldn't know I was gone. Ned said he'd take care of everything as long as I got enrolled in a school here. Which I had no intention of doing.

"Okay, good." Ned opened his car door and stopped before getting in, he turned to me. "Do you have Etta?" He inquired about the nearly furless and one-eyed stuffed monkey. "Okay, good." He went to get in the car again. "Uh, what about blankie?" Again asking about a sleeping staple my grandma had given me.

"Ned, I'll be fine." I smiled.

He seemed disbelieving. "Right. Well you know where to find me."

"It's not forever, Ned."

"Nothing is forever."

"Goodbye, Ned." I cut the conversation short.

"Bye, Lenni." He got in the car and looked at me through the window, judging by the conversation he'd had with Sam, I don't think he was a big fan. Ned had read some of the Supernatural books while in the hotel room, and I think they let him know Sam wasn't all bad.

The next month went something like this:

Wake up at 5 am. Work out. Get breakfast. Wait for Amelia to go to work. Research and theory and credit fraud lessons until noon. Lunch. Shooting practice. Hand to hand practice. Amelia gets home. Talk about classes that I skipped. Driving lesson in Dad's old car. Dinner. GED studying. Sleep for 5 hours. Up again. Oh, and Sam went and fixed shit sometimes.

And the past weeks only difference was a day dedicated to the DMV and a day dedicated to the GED test itself. Both of which I passed with flying colors. I did try to ignore the driving test guy's passing comment about my shit car, cause if I hadn't I would've knocked his lights out.

Sam sat across from me at the breakfast table and took a hash brown off my plate. "So. Change of plans today."

"Is that a good thing?" I asked, taking a drink of water. Sam unbuttoned the top of his shirt. "Woah, slow down there big boy." Sam gave me a master bitch face.

"How good are you with pain?" He asked, leaving it unbuttoned.

"Excuse me, what?" I cocked an eyebrow, confused. He needed to work on this whole speech thing. It earned me another bitch face.

"I think you've pretty much learned everything I have to teach, and there is really only one more thing we need to do." He pulled his shirt to the side revealing a black mass. "Anti-possession tattoo. You're getting one. Today. Our appointment is in an hour." I looked at it closer.

"Does it have to be that big?" I scrunched up my nose.

He looked at me, confused for a second. "No, uh, I guess not."

"Does it have to be there?" I asked. "You know, I've got these things called boobs in the way." Sam's face scrunched up. "Seriously, they're already massive, they really don't need more attention."

"Stop talking, no. It doesn't have to be there." He shut me up. "You ready to go now?"

"Uh, yeah."

Sam handed me a track phone and the Impala's keys. I tossed the phone into the passenger's seat alongside my purse full of multiple fake ids that were more likely than not to get me into trouble down the line. I scratched my side, the spot where I'd gotten the tattoo yesterday was itchy- they said that was normal though. "So, if Dean shows we call." Sam reviewed the plan of action with me. I nodded. "Make sure you send a text every once and a while so I know you're alive, kid." He added.

It really was a shame that me and Sam never became close while I was here. He did the best he could so I couldn't dislike him- but frankly, I was ecstatic to be leaving. Every moment in that house was uncomfortable.

Sam wasn't the Sam in the books. Half the time it felt like he couldn't care less about Dean. "Right." I slipped behind the Impala's door. Sam figured Dean would've wanted me to have the car… I don't know about that but hey- it was a car. A beautiful one at that. "Thanks for everything." I gave thanks to him, he'd done a lot- but my going off was part of the plan from the very start. I got into the Impala and started her engine, Sam shut the door behind me.

"I'll see you around, Len." He nodded, an awkward half smile on his face.

"You too, Sammy." With that, he backed off the car and walked inside and I backed out of the driveway and started off down the road. I wasn't entirely certain where I was supposed to begin, maybe back at the place he disappeared, maybe I could try and find crowley (though that seemed admittedly stupid as all hell), or I might try to find that prophet kid to see if he knew anything.

There were three things I knew for sure. I was young, I was free, and I was going to find my dad if it was the last thing I did. He would've done the same for me if he'd known I existed, someone had to care enough to go look.


End file.
